The so-called Google glasses were seen in the wild. Or were they? And what would they really be used for if they did exist? Nothing you could tell your mom.
Big breaking news today, if you can actually call this a news story. Apparently Robert Scoble took a picture of Sergey Brin wearing the fabulous heads-up display within a pair of sunglasses – the Google Glasses!
Now I hate to be the first one to call bullcrap...but BULLCRAP!
If you want to see what a farce this " Project Glass " idea is, look at the impossible video produced by Google about the glasses. My prediction: this video will produce a record number of parodies, but no glasses. In fact there is one already.
Apparently Scoble ran into Brin wearing some glasses the other day. It's immediately assumed these are the much ballyhooed Google glasses with their heads up display – like the ones in the video. On the display you can watch a movie, do a video chat, send e-mail, see streaming stock quotes, be alerted to important email. Everything except get Google ads, an oversight that I suspect will be corrected soon. One can only imagine what life would be like in a Target store that could communicate with the glasses. "Attention! Grapefruit juice on sale!"
Scoble commented that although Brin wouldn't take them off, he could somehow tell that they were light. Really?
I call bullcrap on this chance encounter because Brin would not let Scoble actually look at the glasses. Why not? Probably because: a) they do not work; b) they are actually hooked up to some huge body computer in Brin's underpants or who knows where; c) they were not Google glasses in the first place and Brin was having fun with Scoble.
Now I have to pause here and ask the readers exactly what is the appeal of these fictitious glasses? "Dude, they will be so cool, you can read your email while driving!" "Man, these glasses will let you look at Google maps street view in real time." "I can watch porn on an airplane without bothering anyone."
Let's go over these ideas. First, it is dangerous enough to be driving without having these glasses on. One wreck and the government will legislate them out of existence. Count on it.
Second, there is something hilarious about using glasses for Google maps and street view. You get out of your car and you are now the virtual little man in real life. Around you are the buildings, but with the heads up display you see the building with the addresses and names of the businesses. This is very cool, but 99 percent of the time when I am standing in front of a building I can see the address and I can see the name of the business since it is on a huge sign. So the glasses, in the instance, are just stupid. But oh so cool.
So let's get to the real reason for these things: watching porn. But this is not just porn. If you want to seriously view any sort of video and you do not want others to see what you are watching, you'd get some cinema frames from Sony or others with a nice wide screen projected into your eyeball. Done. No, Google's glasses are a heads-up display, meaning you can talk to someone and see them face to face while you are watching porn.
Imagine that first date. You and a charming young lady. She's chatting about something and you have a big smile because you are watching porn. What a world.
And while I know some girl geeks who could be indulging in the same sort of rude behavior, they won't!
This looks like a useless and dubious pursuit if you ask me. Unless you really like porn, that is. Now let's wait for the parodies.
You can Follow John C. Dvorak on Twitter @therealdvorak.
More John C. Dvorak:
• Google's Project Glass Is Really Really Great...For Porn
• Apple Hits a Homer with Dubious Research
• FAIL: Girls Around Me
• E-mail Etiquette Part II: CCing and BCCing
• E-mail Etiquette Part I: The End-of-Thread Dilemma
• more
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