Ages ago, I owned a Facebook account. I'd dip a toe in off and on, but I eventually disconnected a few years ago during Facebook's privacy snafus.
I decided, upon the eve of Facebook's IPO, to join. For good. And I was shocked to discover how nervous about it I was.
You see, I'm an introvert. And the notion of sharing, of putting myself out there, and especially asking to be friends, unsettles me a bit.
Oddly enough, I found friends rather easily, especially in high school. I never mastered the easygoing camaraderie my late brother enjoyed, but I played varsity baseball and succeeded academically; my niche in the social strata was ensured. I honestly looked forward to and enjoyed my high school reunions.
I never really realized, though, how relationships drift. For my Catholic family, and for the extended family I married into, the friendships are the family, and vice versa. People look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them I had an idyllic childhood, but it's true. We had enough, and we loved each other, and when my brother died of cancer, it tore a chunk from our hearts. And while living overseas, my friendships lagged. That was life.
Today, my wife is pregnant with our second child. She miscarried several times previously, one of which required several months in bed to recover. In fact, she's been diagnosed with a high-risk pregnancy, and will require total bed rest for several months. I'm not a single dad, but I'm close, and without the support of my family I wouldn't be making it right now.
And that's where Facebook comes in. I enjoy Twitter, and believe that Google+ provides a format for meaningful dialogue. But I think that walling myself off from Facebook did me a disservice, and cut me off from people I still think about, people I consider friends, even if I haven't seen them in several years.
What scares me, to some extent, is that I don't know how to maintain meaningful relationships at a time in my life where time is so precious. I don't know whether Facebook is a crutch, or a barrier, or a lifeline. And I worry that I've missed the boat, that those circles of friends have closed, or that I've moved into the shadowy realm of "acquaintance."
Then there's my career. As a reporter, I have to admit that people cultivate my relationship as I cultivate theirs. I truly, truly love my job, but working on the West Coast of an East Coast publishing firm isolates me from the professional relationships that my colleagues enjoy. I don't know if my co-workers and contacts are, in fact, friends.
So I guess what I'm saying is: hello, world. If you know me, and you're one of the ones who dipped your toes in the Mediterranean with me, played pool, drank beer and shot the s**t, edited my short stories, brought me to a Star Trek convention, and caught my curveball, say hello. Remind me of the famous Civil War snowball fight. The time our boss argued with Penn Jillette about gun safety. That night we drove home, champions of Northern California. Then maybe we'll have the chance to shake hands, share a drink, and catch up, while our kids play with one another. Because that's why I joined Facebook.
For more from Mark, follow him on Twitter @MarkHachman.
